Love Is in the Air
A flash fiction
Love is in the air, and people have no wings. A bit too cliché to put it this way, no? Well, it might be a cliché, but this has caused too many casualties. Yes, the most recent one was my neighbor, Savannah. That is, as far as you and I know. I am genuinely surprised that there is someone like you, who still remembers her. Yes, that’s correct. She bought boxes of firecrackers, the red and noisy ones the Chinese use on the Chinese New Year. As a Chinese, I always find it funny when a white person buys something from Chinatown. Like, do you even know how to properly use it? How did she find those firecrackers, even? It happened in April, so not the season for the Chinese New Year celebration. If she could find the Chinese firecrackers in spring, I might as well walk into a Starbucks and order a nice warm Pumpkin Spice Latte now.
Anyhow, she tied the firecrackers all around her rocking chair and asked her son to set them on fire. I witnessed the scene with my own eyes, looking from my porch. Did she find love up there? I don’t know, but one thing was for certain: her feet didn’t. Strangely enough, her body remained perfectly intact on the ground from the ankle down, but the rest was gone. Can you say it “burned up”? Sorry, English is not my first language. I can confirm that her body did not burn down, though.
It was annoying for a day or two, but things settled down pretty quickly. Do you know what it feels like when a bunch of news people are crowding right in front of your lawn? You really don’t want to know. They talk on, saying things like another courageous adventurer passed, blah blah blah. It felt like being stuck with my grandma back in Tianmen. Uh, no, you are thinking of Tiananmen in Beijing. That’s a different thing. Do you think someone can casually live in the Eiffel Tower or the Lincoln Memorial? Wait, so what was this about? Ah, yes. My grandma always keeps the TV on at the highest volume, and these TV people who came to report on Savannah wouldn’t shut up and I couldn’t just turn them off. My grandma’s ninety-four and still well, thank you for asking.
The noise and the light was one thing, and there was the other. I mean, I just want to have a can of cold beer naked right after walking out of the shower. No, it’s not like every immigrant can’t afford curtains. My windows are well curtained, can’t you see? Sure, you didn’t mean that, ha. There’s just, let’s say, a certain psychological aspect. I know those people can’t see my dangling dick or my beer belly that looks like E.T.’s belly. Yeah, I feel more uncomfortable showing my belly, to be honest… But I can hear that they are right there. Some of them knocked on my door, even. Again, annoying, but I could kind of deal with it. “No speak English!” Yeah, had to make sure that my accent was persuasive enough.
I told you it went on for only two days, right? The funny thing about those TV reporters is that they make it sound so serious, so important. You know how those reporters talk. I wouldn’t say they have some American accents, even. That guy has a CNN accent, and that girl has a Fox accent, and so on. They speak in American journalism. Then, with all those American journalism speeches, they go home. Hey, I thought they were going to start a war in the Middle East or something. Still, I kind of appreciated it. Peace at last.
Sorry, I got a bit lost. Simply saying, my point is that I don’t get this American obsession with love. I think you are too young to remember the times before the collapse of the Soviet Union, but you must have heard about the Space Race. Hey, I’m not that old either, I just remember the eighties, that’s all. Back to the point, do you think Americans really flew? Bullshit. You guys were so good at tricking Russians into shooting up money into the sky. Do Russians care about love? Kind of, but they wouldn’t have cared so much if it hadn’t been for you Americans. By the way, I find this English expression “bullshit” so, um, what would the correct word be, so surreal. What’s so absurd about bullshit? Just go to the countryside and you will see bullshit everywhere, as a given fact.
Fair enough, now you are competing against us, Chinese. That’s what the media tell you. The joke’s on you! I tell you clearly: the Chinese have never cared about love. Not so much as to be willing to get blown up into the air, at least. That’s why the Chinese, after inventing black powder, used it for the New Year’s celebration, not to blow up people. Now you are the ones getting tricked by us. Yeah sure, they say love is in the air, but why care? There are water vapor and pollen in the air, too. Even some particles from bullshit, definitely. How often do you think about them, really? But it’s always about love, love, love for you Americans.
Come to think of it, I’ve never asked what you’ve come here for. No, you don’t have to explain again about your magazine. I know why you are here, it’s just that I’ve never asked you precisely what you are going to do after interviewing me. I think this isn’t what you wanted to hear from Savannah’s neighbor. Still, don’t forget to quote me exactly like this: I don’t get it.
I don’t get love, and I don’t get you people. Yes, I’ve been here only for months, but I don’t think I’ll ever get it. I don’t know love, and you don’t know it either. And I don’t want it or care about it because I don’t know it. Do you care about what tea my grandma might be having now? Do you want it too? How do you desire something you don’t know? Poor Savannah. I wish she were still here, even though I can never understand her. We don’t know where she might be now. Let’s just put it this way. She disappeared, up in the air…
If you enjoyed my work, you can buy me a cup of tea. I am not a coffee person, by the way.